Hunting & Fishing HumorWell it's the first Monday after the holidays; hunting season is winding down and in most places its way to cold to fish. Given these facts I thought I'd throw some classic hunting and fishing jokes out there for you to enjoy today in hopes of lightening the mood. Hunting-Bachelor One day a bachlor decides that he is going to take up hunting, since he had nothing else to do with his money. He goes an buys a pick up truck and two hunting dogs. Goes to the country to hunt, when all of a sudden he spots some ducks flying over head. He takes his shot gun and shoots, he hits one and lets the dogs out. He chases after the dogs and they come to a farmers field, when the young man says " Excuse me sir, but that is my duck" The farmer says " no my land, my duck. Tell you what sonny, lets settle this the country way, We kick each other in the balls, and who is left standing, gets to keep the duck. The city boy says "Allright" But the farmer says "I go first" The farmer kicks the young man in the balls, and lays on the ground for about five minutes. When he finally gets to his feet, he states "OK, my turn" The farmer says "Na, you can keep the duck." Hunting-Moose Outfit Two hunters went moose hunting every winter without success. Finally, they came up with a foolproof plan. They got a very authentic female moose costume and learned the mating call of a female moose. The plan was to hide in the costume, lure the bull, then come out of the costume and shoot the bull. They set themselves up on the edge of a clearing, donned their costume and began to give the moose love call. Before long, their call was answered as a bull came crashing out of the forest and into the clearing. When the bull was close enough, the guy in front said, "Okay, let's get out and get him." After a moment that seemed like an eternity, the guy in the back shouted, "The zipper is stuck! What are we going to do?" The guy in the front says, "Well, I'm going to start nibbling grass, but you'd better brace yourself." Hunting-Taking The Lady A man takes his wife out deer hunting for the first time. It's early in the morning and the husband is explaining the rules to his wife, "Now, remember these woods have allot of greedy people in them, so if you shoot one, run right over to it and guard it with your life. If you don't someone else will." The wife nods okay. "And, if you get in trouble, shoot your gun in the air three times. I'll be over as soon as I can." And again the wife nods okay. "Now, this is what we're going to do. See that ridge to your right. You're going to sit on top of that one, and I will sit on this one to the left." They both agree and go to their blinds. About thirty minutes after sunrise, the husband hears a gunshot come from the ridge his wife is sitting on. He thinks to himself, "Cool, her first time out deer hunting and she gets one!" Five more minutes pass, and he hears three gunshots come from the other ridge. He thinks, "Oh, great. Now she's in trouble." Being the good husband he was, he ran over to the other ridge. As he reached the top, he came into a clearing where his wife was holding off another man with her gun. The husband gingerly walked up to them and said, "Alright, what's going on here!?!" Promptly the other man looks at the husband and says, "Look, I don't want any trouble from you. Just let me get the saddle off and I’ll be on my way”. Fishing-Game Warden A couple of young boys were fishing at their special pond off the beaten track. All of a sudden, the Game Warden jumped out of the bushes. Immediately, one of the boys threw his rod down and started running through the woods like a bat out of hell. The Game Warden was hot on his heels. After about a half mile, the young man stopped and stooped over with his hands on his thighs to catch his breath, so the Game Warden finally caught up to him. "Let's see yer fishin' license, Boy!" the Warden gasped. With that, the boy pulled out his wallet and gave the Game Warden a valid fishing license. "Well, son," said the Game Warden. "You must be about as dumb as a box of rocks! You don't have to run from me if you have a valid license!" "Yes, sir," replied the young guy. "But my friend back there, well, he don't have one." Fishing-Game Warden 2 A man was stopped by a game-warden in Northern Algonquin Park recently with two buckets of fish leaving a lake well known for its fishing The game warden asked the man, "Do you have a license to catch those fish?" The man replied to the game warden, "No, sir. These are my pet fish." "Pet fish?!" the warden replied. "Yes, sir. Every night I take these here fish down to the lake and let them swim around for a while. I whistle and they jump back into their buckets, and I take em home." "That's a bunch of hooey! Fish can't do that!" The man looked at the game warden for a moment, and then said, "Here, I'll show you. It really works." "O.K. I've GOT to see this!" The game warden was curious. The man poured the fish in to the river and stood and waited. After several minutes, the game warden turned to the man and said, "Well?" "Well, what?" the man responded. "When are you going to call them back?" the game warden prompted. "Call who back?" the man asked. "The FISH" "What fish?" the man asked. Fishing-Game Warden 3 The fishing season hasn't opened and a fisherman who doesn't have a license, is casting for trout as a stranger approaches and asks "Any luck?" "Any luck? This is a wonderful spot. I took 10 out of this stream yesterday" he boasts. "Is that so? By the way, do you know who I am?" asks the stranger. "Nope." "Well, meet the new game warden." "Oh," gulped the fisherman. "Well, do you know who I am?" "Nope". "Meet the biggest liar in the state." That's it for the Hunting and Fishing jokes, but if you want more just go into our forum and read the Hunting and Fishing jokes categories.
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